


beside you (in time)

by astrologia



Category: Bleach, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: "this was supposed to be crack." A-chan (2018), F/M, Hitsugaya is a soft boi underneath his icy dragon shell and hey can I please adopt him, Hitsuplaya, Homura Witches Out, IT GOOD, Multi, Pining, Time Loop, Time Travel, crush turned obsession (thanks rebellion), fic of a fic, go read As N Approaches Infinity by Corisanna, how (not) to deal with pining and crushes 101, it VERY GOOD, man Homura needs a break, yes that's a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 05:24:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17677223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrologia/pseuds/astrologia
Summary: Rewind, Reverse, Retry, Fail, Repeat. It was routine. That routine was broken by an abhorrent, wonderful, hateful, lovely emotion. The Emotion needed to be contained, It could not be contained, it ran over, filling her decaying bones and tired aches and— -She would not LET GO, EVER AGAIN.





	beside you (in time)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Corisanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corisanna/gifts).
  * Inspired by [As N Approaches Infinity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553727) by [Corisanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corisanna/pseuds/Corisanna). 



+++

++

+

The click of the sand timer turning was familiar.

That was not unusual.

The blossoming affection of something more than for other than Madoka: that was unusual.

Callused hands held hers, still soft and baby-like, despite the fact that she was cynical, sad, lonely and so very lacking in warmth. She felt his magic (reiatsu) cocoon hers as they stood at the top of the tallest building in Mitakihara.

Teal eyes, soft with something like empathy, glanced towards her. “Let’s go back.”

Wordlessly, despite the repetition of something like this at one point, Homura took the offered hand, unquestioningly letting Hitsugaya Toshiro lead her to wherever on earth Urahara Kisuke was. She did not notice how her hand lightly tightened its grip around his, until they had reached the shop and Urahara and Sayaka had cooed over the gesture like a pair of nosy old ladies gossiping about ‘young love.’

They drew back from each other like their hands were on fire, faces beet red and hearts pounding.

 

===

=== ===

 

The storm was coming, and Walpurgisnacht descended with the grace and subtlety of a raging cosmic blender.

They were fighting again to keep their trump card safe.

This time, Madoka was using her magic to amplify and strengthen attacks and soothe wounds.

Sayaka, who danced around like her mermaid counterpart joined in the fray, as she had built up a good friendship with Yuzu and Karin in this time. She stood there, waiting for her turn-back point. The time ticking by, Homura Akemi and Hitsugaya Toshiro stood in comfortable, melancholic silence.

**7:58 am**

Toshiro stood beside her, a silent sentinel.

His hand gently combed through strands of her sleek black hair. “I was considering growing out my hair at one point.”

Homura raised an eyebrow. “Did you ever get to it?”

Toshiro shook his head. “Too many pressing duties; and I do not have the luxury to take care of hair this long.”

Homura hummed. A thought crossed her mind. “If…If at some point, we manage to change the future…I’ll remind you of that goal.”

**7: 59 am**

Toshiro snorted, and Homura inwardly marveled at the soft smile on his face. “That would be nice.”

Looking up at the sky where the other Death Gods and Magical Girls fought to preserve their one chance of changing the distant future, Toshiro surprised Akemi Homura by drawing her close and softly planting a kiss on her cheek. As quickly as that happened, he flash-stepped away into the fray leaving a stunned Homura with her sand-timer complete. Swallowing her bubbling emotions, Homura took a deep breath and

* * *

  **+++ REWIND +++**

* * *

 

She lay on the hospital bed, the room impossibly bright due to the numerous windows present. A hand reached out to touch the spot where frigid-winter cold skin had touched her cheek, and Homura had to squash down the urge to squeal like some deranged five-year old.

===

=== ===

Unfortunately, her emotions were still present. Those bothersome seedlings of something that appeared because of her attachment to Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro seemed to cling to her, and if he was near, she seemed to seize up, then remind herself that no, he would not remember. Nobody remembered. Nobody ever did.

===

=== ===

Homura was flabbergasted and partly hysterically amused because Hitsugaya seemed to be fond of Madoka unwittingly in this timeline. Urahara would smirk behind his fan and cackle with Sayaka whenever Hitsugaya seemed to hover around Madoka for too long. Personally, Homura didn’t mind. It was endearing to watch, but it made her feel a bit lonelier than usual.

Silently, Homura thought that this was okay (even if her fists clenched at her sides). She loved them both and if they could be happy then she **_should_ **be.

===

=== ===

The storm was coming, and Walpurgisnacht descended with the grace and subtlety of a raging cosmic blender. This time, Homura took a deep breath and looked towards ashen skies. Beside her, Madoka held onto Hitsugaya’s scarf like a lifeline, holding it like a rosary.

**7:58 am**

“Homura-chan, stay well okay?” A wordless nod, laced with a small smile.

“I will.”

Madoka sniffled in reply and threw her arms around Homura in a final hug.

**7: 59 am**

“See you again, Madoka.” Swallowing her bubbling emotions, Homura took a deep breath and

* * *

**+++ REWIND +++**

* * *

She lay on the hospital bed, the room impossibly bright due to the numerous large windows present. The room seemed lonelier for some reason, despite the glaring white brightness of the sunlight in the high-rise hospital room. Homura took a deep breath and steadied her thoughts.

===

=== ===

In this timeline, like so many others behind her, there was yet another unexpected variable that rocked her stability. In this time, Hitsugaya Toshiro was irrevocably attached to Karin, despite Ichigo’s hovering around the two ‘lovebirds’ as Urahara put it. Logically, it would make sense that the two would end up as lovers, Homura thought.

They had a rapport, Hitsugaya was comfortable with telling Karin his deepest secrets, and even though Kar _in was brash, rude_ _and--_

“ ** _No_**. Stop that.” Homura chided herself, attempting to wrangle her magic into something pleasant. “It isn’t your place to judge who he chooses to be with.”

“It never even **_was_**.”

===

=== ===

The storm was coming, and Walpurgisnacht descended with the grace and subtlety of a raging cosmic blender. Karin had been fighting with the other magical girls, but not without a soft moment with--

“No,” Homura shook her head. “Don’t think.”

This time, Homura was alone, and everything seemed so much more heavier than ever before, for reasons unknown to her. Swallowing her confusing emotions, Homura took a deep breath and

* * *

**+++ REWIND +++**

* * *

She lay on the hospital bed, the room impossibly bright due to the numerous windows present. The room seemed lonelier for some reason, despite the glaring white brightness of the sunlight in the high-rise hospital room. Homura took a deep breath and steadied her thoughts and the painful contractions of her chest.

===

=== ===

This time, it was Yuzu. Although the lost-puppy glances from Jinta were slightly amusing, something inside Homura stewed bitterly, and she was growing used to controlling her magic and her expressions. So despite the whirlwind of sudden spite for the kind-hearted girl who looked so much like Madoka, Homura managed to be civil-- ** _lighthearted_** , even, as she conversed with them.

Although she started to hope that Hitsugaya would also call her by her first name with affection as he did Yuzu’s. Maybe someday.

===

=== ===

_In the dead of the night, Homura drea **m** t of a perfect world where she was holding Hitsuga **y** a’s hand, and she was wal **k** i **n** g to school with h **i** m, and there were no witches and-- The dream crumbled, and Got ist Tott, Then a scarlet-head giant marching towards a **g** uillotine, T **h** e sounds of distor **t** ed wedding bells and a bouquet of daffodils and spider lillies, and wilted roses-- The guillotine going down her neck and_

===

=== ===

The storm was coming, and Walpurgisnacht descended with the grace and subtlety of a raging cosmic blender. This time, Homura’s magic was motionless, and it seemed like she was asleep. But instead she stood up, unblinking as Walpurgisnacht battled with the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and the Magical Girls. It was unsettling, as her violet eyes had faded to a dull, almost colorless black. Then they all vanished as Homura turned her shield with a click

* * *

**+++ REWIND +++**

* * *

 

She lay on the hospital bed, the room **i** mpossibly bright due to t **h** e numerous windows present. With dull, unblinking eyes, Homur **a** sat up and co **v** ered h **e** r timely r **o** uti **n** e. But som **e** thing seemed missing, and she did not know **w** hat. At t **i** mes, **sh** e felt like folding up into a small piece of paper and burning away.

===

=== ===

Homura lay on the grass, unblinking as s **h** e stared at the crescent moon. Look **i** ng like a ca **d** aver in th **e** midst of **a** medley of **w** ildflowers, the m **a** gical girl silentl **y** pondered on her strange e **m** otions that spanned for at least thirt **y** timelines’ worth. A c **h** illing r **e** alization m **a** de its way into he **r** bones when she **t** hought that if one day, she would end up crashing and burning Miki Sayaka usually did, she would rather die and have her Grief Seed shattered into itty-bitty pieces.

===

=== ===

The storm was coming, and Walpurgisnacht descended with the grace and subtlety of a raging cosmic blender. Again, Homura’s magic was motionless, and it seemed like she was asleep. But instead she stood up, unblinking as Walpurgisnacht battled with the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and the Magical Girls. It was unsettling, as her violet eyes had faded to an eerie, colorless black.

As if she was mourning a death, Homura's palette of whites and purples seemed to turn gray.

Then they all vanished as Homura turned her shield with a click

* * *

\+ ++ R _e WiN)))_ W??.N **ND** DDh _jjslkwl)((?? ++_ +

* * *

_Ah, so much pain._

_This shouldn’t have happened. This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened.This shouldn’t have happened._

**_This shouldn’t have happened._ **

===

=== ===

Hitsugaya Toshiro was not an idiot, or was he as clueless about social cues as most people tended to believe about him (It was his job to be able to observe and file away thoughts on his subordinates, and despite Matsumoto being The Sociable One of them, he _did_ care really--).

Hitsugaya Toshiro could see that Akemi Homura was not in a normal state of mind. Urahara noticed, Isshin noticed, Junko Kaname noticed. Everyone sort of noticed, but they could not get the time travelling girl to crack, to tell what was wrong with her thoughts. 

She stares into space, suddenly sitting up for no reason whatsoever, and seemed to be unguarded at fatal times (yes, he would not deny feeling bile and **_sheer, unadulterated horror_** rise up his throat and veins when Akemi did not stop time or dodge the speeding road of icy stalagmites that impaled her all over, before she softly, _softly_ murmured ' _I'm alright.'_ and fucking dislodged herself from them, unmindful of the blood and gore.

Like she just had a bad paper-cut, and a band-aid would fix her right up.

Toshiro did not know how to look her in the eye after that incident).

Most unsettling was that she laughed at Karin’s jokes with grim, softly manic laughter. It wouldn’t have been strange, if Karin hadn’t said something one day, along the lines of Homura wanting to get stabbed so much that she left her back wide open.

It was intended as a joke.

Homura’s response of a prim smile which held something dark in it and dead eyes unnerved them, along with her uttered “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

===

=== ===

It was unexpected that just as Homura delivered the final shot to decimating the Incubator and Walpurgisnacht once and for all, that she screamed in sheer agony, tears streaming down her face, her hair unraveling into spider lilies, and turned into a- **_a Witch_**.

A cacophony of screaming, whispering voices echoed in their heads, crying and sobbing over her failures, her vices, her weaknesses and her lost love and life, and everything,  _everything_ , ** _everything_ **and then--

_By the church altar where a defeated figure slouched, dressed in a pure white dress, which slowly became tattered as spider lilies, daffodils, sunflowers and flames and vines enveloped the scene, she dropped to her knees, her white veil ripped off to reveal a grotesque mimic of Akemi Homura-- where her face should have been was nothing but a pair of manic purple eyeballs, darkness and growing spider lilies, cobwebs growing and forming, her arms turning to bone, and yet she scrambled to gather her bouquet, the tragic bride--_

_“How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How lamentable.How l_ _amentable._

**_How lamentable.”_ **

The sound of the buzzer call, and Hitsugaya felt his lungs hitch as Akemi stared at him, only him, with a look so mournful that it made him want to rush over and help her up to the Kurosaki residence, so they would patch her up and make sure everything was alright again-- Homura’s choked sobs echoed in the stunned silence.

**  
“̴I̵̛ ͘ça̡͢n̶̷ ̶̡n͞͡e̢͜v̧̧͢e̕r t̷̡ou̕͠ç̷h̷͞ y͞o̵̴͡u̸͡r̕̕ ̷͠h̵͘a͡nd҉,̶̛͘ ҉̷o̢r̨ re̴͠a̢̛̛c҉̕h̵ ̢i͏̧t. ̢E̕͢v̨e̢ŗ̷ ̷͢a̷͢͝gai̛n̸.҉͟͟”**

And Homura Akemi shattered.

* * *

**\+ + ▒ **^ &^&^ ▒ )W◙@&YH@U + ▒ +**

* * *

The sun shone warmly down the cobble-street roads towards the school, And Akemi Homura blinked, as if startled from a long, weary dream.

She sat inside the school chapel where the sun seemed to cheerily shine through the stained glass windows. Her glasses were fogged up and smudged, and her braids were lopsided and messy. All in all, she looked like a newly-hatched chick. Adorable and wobbly.

Exhaling and rubbing her eyes, Homura yawned and tried to recall her dream. …Nothing.

A gut feeling told her that perhaps it was best not to remember.

Sighing tiredly and lying back on the pew of the church, Homura failed to hear the sound of footsteps approaching her.

“Oh, Homura.” Homura looked up from her short nap to see bright teal eyes staring at her with warmth. Heat spread through her pale cheeks.

“A-Ah, hello, Hi-Hitsugaya-kun…?” The person in question smiled crookedly, though he was also a bit embarrassed, as evidenced by the pink splash across his cheeks.

Awkward silence ensued, before Hitsugaya Toshiro (?) broke it.

“You shouldn’t be sleeping in this place.Should I take you to the infirmary?”

Homura fidgeted with her fingers. “O-Oh! No, it’s…I-I’m fine.” Really, even though Toshiro was her one friend since her days of hospitalization, she could barely talk to him without stuttering. Or look him in the eye. “…Just tired.”

Toshiro hummed. “I take that back. I **_insist_ **that I take you back to the infirmary.” the white-haired boy replied, crossing his arms.

With much protesting from Homura, Toshiro managed to wrangle the girl into piggy-back carrying her, instead of his suggested princess- carry. Which was just as equally embarrassing for both parties, to be perfectly honest.

_(“Wait, don’t **all** girls like to be princess-carried?” _

_“I-well- they might, but… **I**..find it embarrassing.”)_

That didn’t stop the other students from catcalling them in the hallway though. Particularly Sayaka and Kyouko who crooned like a pair of cockatoos and old (like 19th century old) ladies sharing good gossip.

_(“Ooh, Toshi has his hands on Homerunner’s legs--how scandalous!”_

_A dramatic gasp, followed by Kyoko miming a fan with the use of a Pocky box._

_“Oh my god, they’re blushing, Sayaka! How scandalous!”_

_“Ooh, look Madoka! Toshi’s being a prude--”_

_“Hey, maybe we should talk to Kamijo--”_

_“AHAHAHA **LOOK AT THE TIME** HEY TOSHI DON’T YOU HAVE TO DO SOME THINGS TODAY?”) _

Homura giggled as she watched Sayaka’s antics. Toshiro hummed as he twined his fingers, callused from Kendo practice, with Homura’s soft ones. He marveled at the small, sweet smile she gave him in turn.

This was good. Hopefully it would last forever.

But although this was good, a niggling feeling had permeated Homura’s mind.

**Was it always like this?**

 

**+++ +++ +++**

**+++ +++**

**+++**

Deep, deep within the confines of a tower made of black shadows, memories, and mirrors, a vague selection of people slept like the dead, untouched by time. Bright red and cheerful yellow flowers grew around them, blanketing them from sorrow.

Farther on, a girl in a black wedding dress slept in a golden bed surrounded by blossoms, like a vaguely twisted Sleeping Beauty that did not want to be woken up. Beside her, a boy, dressed like a prince, slumbered in perpetual silence. 

Above them, the full moon cast an eerie glow over the scene, and as the Children of the Mortal World descended upon their Mother, the curtains for this stage fall shut. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: AYYY SO HERO HERE, WITH A SHIP FIC NOBODY (might) HAVE ASKED FOR, NOW IN BETTER AO3 VERSION!
> 
> FF.net: the red hero, where some of my other fics are.
> 
> Honestly speaking, this was a story borne out of my dear friend A-chan’s shipping mania because of As N Approaches Infinity. After chatting with the awesome Corisanna about it, she agreed to have this fanfic-of-a-fanfic thing posted here at my account on A-chan’s behalf. 
> 
> Honestly, A-chan just wanted to explore how Homura would react to unrequited love, especially if she was teetering on the edge of insanity. We all know what happened in Rebellion, and yes, MadoHomu is canon via Word of God, but hey. 
> 
> So with much thanks to Corisanna and the readers, see you again!


End file.
